One stepdad had become like a father to his stepdaughter and really threw himself into family life. After helping to raise his partner’s child over the past ten years, he had to put his foot down over her and her mother’s wedding plans to invite the girl’s birth father.
Entering the family home
One user of the social commentary site Reddit shared a post to the subreddit r/offmychest. The user with the name godzilla_moon had something he needed to say about his stepdaughter and her mother. The guy began his post by announcing that his stepdaughter was getting married soon. Naturally, she was excited about the big life event.
So too was her mother, they had been planning the ceremony for six months already. The guy making the post said that although he and his girlfriend were not married, they had been living together for the past ten years. He felt that long commitment had made him one of the family and that meant he could put his foot down from time to time.
Taking care of his family
The guy had been living with his girlfriend and her daughter for ten years and had grown close to the family. He did whatever he could to help them out and even paid his stepdaughter’s way through college.
The guy admitted that his stepdaughter only went to a state school, but it still put him $40k in the red thanks to his generosity. He said she didn’t have a job in college, so he let her live with him and his girlfriend, and even let her stay after she graduated. Finding a job after college is often hard for anyone so it might just take a bit of time for his stepdaughter to find her feet in the world.
A generous stepdad
The guy was at least claiming to be very generous. He said that even before she graduated from high school, he bought her a car so she could go back and forth easily. Now she had found the love of her life, and it was time to get married.
As her biological father wasn’t always on the scene, the guy as only too happy to do the traditional thing and pay for the wedding. Even though she wasn’t biologically his daughter, he felt enough love for her to spend even more of his cash on making her happy. He had helped her through school and college, so a wedding should be a breeze.
The part-time father
Although this guy had been the stepfather to his girlfriend’s daughter for over a decade, she did have a ‘real dad’ who would show up occasionally. The guy posting to Reddit claimed that his stepdaughter’s biological father would turn up every so often just to remind his daughter that he was around.
Then he said the ‘real dad’ would usually leave after a time, breaking his daughter’s heart every single time. Even though he was often absent, the girl loved her biological dad, despite the disappointment he often left her feeling. Godzilla_moon claimed that the other guy had not paid a cent of child support nor had he helped with any of her education.
Putting his foot down
The ‘deadbeat’ dad, as the Reddit user called him, was around again as the wedding drew closer, but had not paid anything towards it, leaving that to the stepdad. A dinner was planned for the ‘in-laws’ to meet, and things turned sour.
The biological father was a surprise guest to the stepdad, and his daughter had an announcement to make. She said that her father had agreed to walk her down the aisle, even though he had barely been a part of her life. The guy on Reddit lost it and threw everyone out of his house, saying that if the real dad was so important, he could pay for the wedding. He withdrew his cash and kicked his girlfriend out.
Why he was so upset
Things had been bubbling under the surface for the stepdad for a while. He had paid for the entire wedding, and all that he was asking for was to invite a small number of people. The wedding venue held 250 people and the stepdad was only asking for 20 of those.
He thought it wasn’t too much to ask for, especially as he was the one funding this party. Things began to spiral out of control, and the stepdad began to resent how the wedding was shaping up.
All he wanted from this wedding was to have a few close friends to share the proud moment with. He ran into one of the friends on the golf course, he had asked his girlfriend and stepdaughter to invite him.
When he got talking to his friend, he asked him if he was attending, but his friend had some bad news. He told the stepdad that he wasn’t invited to the wedding, all he received was a notice in the mail that the ceremony was happening.
No friends were coming
All of the people the stepfather had wanted to be invited were sent notices. When he asked his girlfriend and stepdaughter about this, they said that 250 people was a tight squeeze. So the guy who was paying for the entire ceremony no longer had any say in it…
And his request had been ignored. This made him mad, especially after everything he had done for the family. How could they be so selfish and completely disregard all of his efforts?
Not even a mention
The guy asked his friend at the golf course if he still had the wedding notice. Luckily he had it in his car, and he showed it to the stepfather. Nowhere on that notice did it mention the stepfather’s name.
Instead it was her mother and her biological father. This made him even angrier. How could his girlfriend and stepdaughter just ignore everything he was doing? He was the guy paying for the whole wedding after all.
A big fight
The guy was pretty angry because of the invitation fiasco. He spoke to his girlfriend about it, and they ended up having a big fight about the situation. She told him that maybe if some people didn’t RSVP she could squeeze a few of them in.
However, that the guy thought that was pretty insulting to his friends. He thought it was a slap in the face ad things were only going to get worse as he was still “boiling” from this a few days later.
Thoughts on the ‘real’ dad
The guy added some more thought on the ‘real’ dad. He said that every time he shows up his daughter lets him back in, but every single time, he lets her down. He’ll either skip town or break some promise he made.
According to this Reddit user, his stepdaughter’s biological father was not really her dad, even though she would “fawn all over him.” The girl still loves her father and wants him to be a part of her life, so the wedding bombshell was about to be dropped.
The stepfather had this big fight with his girlfriend on a Saturday, and now he was expected to put that all to the back of his mind. It was time to meet the in-laws. With all of the negativity in the air, the last thing this Reddit user needed was a surprise visit from his stepdaughter’s ‘real’ dad.
Unfortunately there he was at the dinner, which really got godzilla_moon’s blood boiling. That was only the tip of the iceberg though, things were going to get much worse.
His stepdaughter began to make a speech at the dinner between the in-laws. She was delighted to announce that her biological father would be able to make the wedding, and as he was coming, he would be able to give her away.
Everyone at the dinner thought this was great news, and now her ‘real’ dad could be a part of the ceremony. Well, everyone but the stepfather was happy with this announcement, and he was about to explode with anger.
The stepdad said he felt so angry and disrespected that he was shaking. He tried to gather his composure as he didn’t know whether he was going to cry with sadness or punch someone in anger. After a few moments he kept his cool, and that’s when a plan formed in his mind.
If these people had no respect for him, then he was going to tell them all where they could go. He stood from his seat and announced to the room that he’d like to make a toast…
Proposing a toast
As many people do at dinners, this stepdad wanted to make a toast. It had probably been a lovely evening for everyone, but it was about to turn in a different direction, and they were all too clueless to see it coming.
He began his toast by explaining that it had been a great pleasure to be a part of this family for the past ten years. The guy continued and said he owed the bride and groom a debt of gratitude as they had opened his eyes to something important.
Hanging on his every word
The people in the room were like putty in this guy’s hands, and he had them listening intently to everything he was saying. Just as he lulled them into thinking this was going to be a lovely speech he unleashed his fury.
The stepfather thanked the bride and groom for opening his eyes to the fact that his position in the family was not what he thought it was. Now everyone was looking at each other with confusion, was this guy serious?
The speech wasn’t over, and godzilla_moon continued. He said he had thought of himself as the godfather of the family, as someone that people came to when they were in times of need. What he just realized, thanks to the wedding plans, was that he was nothing more than an ATM for them all.
He said they all seen him as a “good stream of money, but not much else.” Then came the final part of the speech that changed the futures of everyone in that room.
Godzilla_moon said that has he had been replaced as host on both the invitations, and now in the actual ceremony, he was resigning his financial duties. If the ‘real’ dad was the host, then it was only fair that he paid his way.
He finished the speech by cheering the happy couple before telling everyone in the room they could all let themselves out of his home. After paying his stepdaughter’s way for the past ten years, this stepdad was finally done with it all.
Done with it all
The Reddit user finished his post by saying he was done with his stepdaughter, done with his girlfriend, and done with all of it. He withdrew the money from their joint account, and the wedding was no longer on him.
Godzilla_moon added that his girlfriend hadn’t had a job since she moved in with him, claiming the money in their joint account was his. If his stepdaughter wanted her “REAL DAD” to host the wedding, then this guy was only happy to let him, as long as he paid for everything.
Godzilla_moon was kind enough to give Reddit users an update on what had happened since he exploded at the dinner table. He said that his girlfriend and stepdaughter had moved out of his home and had moved in with the groom.
As far as he could tell from people he knew were going to the wedding they were planning on “scaling things back.” It was now down to the groom’s parents to pay for the wedding after the stepdad had finally put his foot down over the disrespect he felt.
Parenting not about cherry picking
At the end of the day, it’s not hard to figure out who the real father was in this story. The guy, though not biologically or legally the bride’s father, spent ten years living in the same house as her, effectively raising her.
He was doing all of this while her biological father was absent. Parenting, as any mom or dad would tell you, isn’t about picking and choosing which moments you want to be present for. It’s about being there for all of them – the good as well as the bad.
The guy’s girlfriend and her daughter leaving his home was only the final note of the story. Not surprisingly, they did not go gentle into that good night. In fact, the morning following his toast his girlfriend brought him a copy of the wedding planner to show him “how much work he was ruining.”
Thumbing through it, he found all of the songs in the father-daughter dance section catered to “Real Dad”’s taste, and the menu contained ingredients he was allergic to. He couldn’t help but laugh at that.
Realizing the bitter truth
After he was laughing, however, he had some time to reflect on everything he had found out during the course of the recent events. He admitted that while at first he thought they were merely being disrespectful, he now thought they never really cared at all.
Handing the wedding planner back to his girlfriend, he only had one final thing to ask her – when they’d be moving out of his home. As he never promised to pay for the wedding, he said, he was completely in the clear morally.
Predicting the future
Regarding the two women’s move, the guy said that he found it hard not being petty with all the “belongings” they chose to take with them. However, just wanting them to be gone, he kept quiet. When they left, he changed the locks.
As for withdrawing the money from their joint account, that turned out to have been an insightful decision, as he discovered his girlfriend had tried cutting herself a check from the money in the account the day after his announcement. “I could feel it coming,” he wrote.
Thanking people for the support
Concluding his story, Godzilla_moon said he couldn’t believe how popular the story had gotten – it was covered by countless websites and commented on by thousands of people. “I feel good to be given support by so many,” he wrote.
He also promised to give the people following along updates regarding how the actual wedding turned out, but said that he couldn’t guarantee he would actually make a concerted effort to find out. To be completely honest, we’re not blaming him!
The tradition of having a bride’s father walk her down the aisle is one that has caused drama before. At Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s wedding, for example, Meghan’s dad wasn’t in attendance, so Harry’s father, Prince Charles, walked her down the aisle.
Other brides feel that such a tradition is antiquated, since they are making their own choices for the future and do not need any man to “give them away.” Each bride can choose for herself how she wants to walk down the aisle.
The costs of a wedding
In today’s day and age, weddings have become huge expenses. In fact, the average wedding in the United States costs well over $30,000. When someone such as a step father agrees to foot such an expensive wedding bill, it is certainly a big commitment, and shows how much he cares about his step daughter.
When the bride and her mother refused to even show this step father a hint of gratitude and respect, he felt that it was no longer his responsibility to pay such a large sum.
This is not the first story of a woman who has used her podium as a bride to treat people in a way that they feel is disrespectful.
There are many instances when the pressure and expectations that come with planning a wedding become too much for the bride, and the term “bridezilla” was coined to describe this. Sometimes it’s unfair, because planning a wedding is stressful and challenging. But sometimes, as in this case, the bride’s antics can distance loved ones and friends.
Cutting his losses
When this disgruntled step father made the decision to pull out of his step daughter’s wedding, it can’t have been an easy choice. After all, he had spent the last ten years caring for her as if she were his own daughter.
Feeling that the girl you helped raise has rejected you in such a way is painful and disappointing. Once he realized that the people who he felt were his family were ignoring his requests, he felt the need to get out of the situation.
Losing some money
Even though this step father decided to take back his money before the wedding, he still lost a bit. Since event vendors and venues require deposits before the wedding, he had to call them and ask for refunds.
He was able to get most of the money back but the venue was not willing to give him a full refund. He ended up losing about $1,500 in the end, but to him, it was the only choice left.
Disclaimer: Some photos may be stock images used for illustration purposes only. The people or places in these photos are not to be associated with the article.